What the funk is a roach…

I thought they were a great band from London…you know Cuddly toy and all that…then discovered they were actually called Roachford…close but no cigar…
But back to this enigma…the roach…apparently I have to make it…thank God for you tube…
I have my beloved pipe, but as usual (under medical advice as always…) I've decided to go down the more usual way to administer this medicine.
I'll be OK, I'm a man of the world…
So as bold as grass, I walk into the tobacconist. I've never smoked in my life, and I'm in a new world…wow so much stuff…
I walk up to the counter, but feel like a teenager trying to buy pornography…top shelf magazines, why, I don't know…I'm definitely the duck out of water…so I move fast…
Please…can I but some tobacco…yes she replies…offering a baffling array of possibilities! O God…her eyes…they are boring into me…I'll take 40g of Drum, seen this everywhere so it must me good…
OK great, now papers. I ask for some papers…she says "What would you like" To this day I will never forgive myself…I replied "The longest you have!!"! Now she thinks I'm some sort of monster addict!!! No!!!! I'm ill!!!
OMG I scuttle out of there…but armed with tobacco and papers I might add!!!!
So I arrive home…missing only one important ingredient…a few calls later, I've managed to procure some medicine.
So, this roach is a piece of card…yes I know you all know what it is, bit I didn't and thank God for "Urban Dictionary!!!!"
So first attempt at rolling…you tube on, followed instructions… utter fail…it opened up in front of my eyes and deposited everything on the kitchen table…there must be any easier way…
I ask Sil to pop into town to buy a rolling machine…she duly arrives with one half the size of the extra long papers I'd bought!!! Doh!!!
So another trip, and now I'm in possession of the perfect rolling machine, couple with a grinder and special roach papers!!! Feel like an expert now!!!!
But seriously, I'm under medical advice, I use lightly, it helps me relax, and often helps me to swallow a little liquid. It helps me sleep, and sometimes takes me to another place…I don't believe anyone would begrudge me that!