What the funk is a roach…

I thought they were a great band from London…you know Cuddly toy and all that…then discovered they were actually called Roachford…close but no cigar…
But back to this enigma…the roach…apparently I have to make it…thank God for you tube…
I have my beloved pipe, but as usual (under medical advice as always…) I've decided to go down the more usual way to administer this medicine.
I'll be OK, I'm a man of the world…
So as bold as grass, I walk into the tobacconist. I've never smoked in my life, and I'm in a new world…wow so much stuff…
I walk up to the counter, but feel like a teenager trying to buy pornography…top shelf magazines, why, I don't know…I'm definitely the duck out of water…so I move fast…
Please…can I but some tobacco…yes she replies…offering a baffling array of possibilities! O God…her eyes…they are boring into me…I'll take 40g of Drum, seen this everywhere so it must me good…
OK great, now papers. I ask for some papers…she says "What would you like" To this day I will never forgive myself…I replied "The longest you have!!"! Now she thinks I'm some sort of monster addict!!! No!!!! I'm ill!!!
OMG I scuttle out of there…but armed with tobacco and papers I might add!!!!
So I arrive home…missing only one important ingredient…a few calls later, I've managed to procure some medicine.
So, this roach is a piece of card…yes I know you all know what it is, bit I didn't and thank God for "Urban Dictionary!!!!"
So first attempt at rolling…you tube on, followed instructions… utter fail…it opened up in front of my eyes and deposited everything on the kitchen table…there must be any easier way…
I ask Sil to pop into town to buy a rolling machine…she duly arrives with one half the size of the extra long papers I'd bought!!! Doh!!!
So another trip, and now I'm in possession of the perfect rolling machine, couple with a grinder and special roach papers!!! Feel like an expert now!!!!
But seriously, I'm under medical advice, I use lightly, it helps me relax, and often helps me to swallow a little liquid. It helps me sleep, and sometimes takes me to another place…I don't believe anyone would begrudge me that!

50th Birthday plans…:)

The 2nd June 2014 will mark my 50th birthday, and nothing would give me more pleasure than to celebrate it with a big funk off party!!!

Plans include a b-b-q, and some live music. Most of you know I live in North West Italy about an hour and a half from Turin airport. It's a doodle to get here, and the drive from the airport is very easy.

I can easily put up 15 guests from abroad (even more if you want to sleep on the floor!)…you know who you are, many are found on Facebook, many are ODs and university friends, and there are many  others from all over the world. I appreciate that those far far away may have difficulties to arrive, but you are all welcome.

Obviously there will be a good smattering of Italian friends, my family etc etc.

This really gives me something to focus my energies on…if you feel you are up for it drop me a line via Facebook, twitter, or e mail.

Rest assured I will be badgering you during the coming months…it will be a great weekend, and give you all a chance to experience the wonderful area I live in.

The region is called Piemonte (or Piedmont in English) It is a culinary renowned area that boasts some of the finest food and wine in Italy. In fact I live 30 minutes from the town of Borolo, a wine that needs little introduction! The region also hosts the slow food movement…a very famous institute promoting all types of local foods in an attempt tp protect their heritage. All very interesting. Nobody will go home hungry!!

The beginning of June should offer warm but not too hot weather as here the summers can be a little oppressive.

So what do you think…time to rock on in a funk off sort of way!!!

Butter!!

Nice JD and coke beside me…Let me touch on cooking and the way it helps me so much. I can not eat, we know, but my passion for cooking remains.
Yes I enjoy to make fresh butter, it's so easy and you have something you own…so fresh, just so real and delicate. Sil loves it on my freshly baked bread, or as a pasta sauce with a generous topping of Parmesan cheese…freshly grated of course.
I continue to bake, and relish the opportunity to prepare fresh gnocchi and pasta. I particularly like making fresh sausages using the equipment inherited from my sausage making Dad!!!! Always a simple recipe, but always the best…
My next project is to produce some stretch curd cheese. Yes, that's mozzarella! Not as difficult as it sounds and you can produce about a kilo in under 45 minutes. I'll give it a go and let you all know how it comes out.
I live 500 meters away from a very famous mill that produces the most wonderful organic flour amongst other things. I use only this in the baking of breads and pizzas. Exceptional products.
I've developed a reputation for producing a rather nice ginger nut biscuit. It's difficult to buy ginger nuts over here and Sil has asked me to produce a big batch as Christmas gifts for her family and friends. Will do with the utmost pleasure. The recipe is totally Delia and so easy…if you make a batch yourself you'll wonder why you ever bought them…they are in a different league!!! Give it a go!
I've even started cooking for Scotty my wonderful dog. Here in Italy you can buy massive sacks of pasta for dogs…then I boil it up, and add a doggy style topping!!! He seems to appreciate it!! Much better than the dried stuff he's been eating!
Cooking…it keeps me in the zone…active…and as always  the pleasure remains is in the giving…

I bought a pipe!!!
So here I am 2 years on…and life has truly bitten me squarely on the arse! I live a sort of half life and let's leave it there. Details are not important…
I'm sitting in front of my screen, a nice large Jack and coke to my right, and my iPad to my left…hooked up as always to Sky news…
The ticker chills me…rock stars raping babies, Nigella on coke…OMG what's up with the world.
I take a sip and feel a little better.
I can't work…teaching English without a voice is quite challenging!!!! lol!
I can  still manage to get out most days, and enjoy my time out. I have set up this blog along side my twitter account @prwizzbang. All this gives me so much to do.
So the pipe I hear you asking…
Yes…I've never smoked in my life, and I never will. But a little puff on my pipe filled with my mixture of choice renders a cool remedy of tranquillity…lovely.
As I said at the top of all this…nothing is written with a clear head…lol! lol!
Join me here for my slightly side ways look on life.

Laugh out loud!!! Or lol as it is inscribed all over the virtual world. That's how I felt…summer 2011. It's hot here in Alba. (North west Italy, about an hour from Turin.) I'm in the gym again, thanking my lucky stars that my flexible working hours teaching English (lol!) permits me to hit the gym in the afternoon when there are only about three people there!
One's the owner, Claudio, all the way from Argentina…but hey I won't hold that against him…all that hand of God stuff…but on the other hand some things are just are unforgivable aren't they? No, no I let it go…he supports Inter and we have a mutual hatred for Juventus. That'll do for me. We forge out a great friendship.
I'm on the inclined squat machine and hitting a quite a respectable 500lbs…yeah…5 sets of 12. That'll sort out these spindly little legs of mine.
My mind starts to wander a little. 47 odd years old, maybe time for a little health check up. Have felt a little heart burn lately…God I need to stop drinking those espresso coffees…my espresso of choice is the ristretto version, even stronger (lol)!
At home I drag out the old lap top and type in heart burt and a few other symptoms I'm feeling. Then BANG!!! I'm pregnant. (lol) I'm pretty sure this can't be so, but, more importantly any pain in the chest needs to be checked out. so I book a check up.
Blood tests are perfect. One doctor mutters something about a swiss watch…I slip him a smirk, and head off to the cardiologist. It's late in the afternoon and he puts on the electrodes and monitors my heart. He categorically states I'm safe to have sex without fear of having a heart attack. I slip him a smirk, but dare question him about this. "Don't I need to do this test under stress to really evaluate the condition of the heart?" He smiles and invites me to the hospital at 11pm to do the test!!! 11pm are you kidding????
By this time Silvia has joined me. I tell the quack I haven't brought my trainers and tracksuit because it was such short notice. He laughs and says you'll be OK in your pants and socks!
The tread mill is running at a gentle incline. He says your maximum heart rate should be about 180 beats per minute, and I need to arrive there. (I slip him a smirk…) Red rag to a bull…as 180 passes, Silvia and the doc are screaming for me to stop!!! lol!!! 10 beats per second more!!! That'll do…then collapse on a heap on the floor!! We monitor my pulse as it slows…he gestures towards me an invisible certificate stating I'm fit to run The New York Marathon!!! Life is sweet. lol!